Do I really want to do this again?

[jennifers399]

I have hosted 7 cookie exchanges, some have been successful but most have been disasters. My first party was great--I had about 35 guests and everyone brought at least one type of cookie, some brought 3! I had a beautiful rented space for the first party, so we had plenty of room. The following year was pretty good but 2006 was the worst ever. I had two parties, one for my regular friends and one for my mother's group. For the mother's group, 17 people responded YES to my invitations but only 1 person showed up, and she brought adorable cookies all wrapped up in cute cellophane--which was hiding the burnt black cookies!

On to the next few years. Someone wanted to co-host with me last year but she didn't help with anything, didn't bring anything and was over an hour late! People are starting to respond, but refuse to bring cookies or if they bring anything, it's grocery store garbage. One person had the nerve to bring sugar cookies, and only 1 dozen. People say this: "I don't have time to bake cookies" or "I'm on a diet but I still want to come." Some have even responded that they are "bored" with exchanges or they wait to respond at the last minute, so basically they waited around until something better came along.

Where I live, people tend to ignore RSVPs or they respond YES but don't attend and don't call.

I love cookie exchanges but I don't want to do them anymore if I can't get any serious guests.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I hate the idea of not hosting my annual party, but then again, it's really not an exchange anymore.

[zazzu]

Jennifer....I'm a brand-new poster (been lurking) and hope you don't mind if I jump right in to respond to your question.

The problems you describe are common with all kinds of parties. Good manners just aren't a priority these days, it seems.

With that in mind, I would require a cash deposit with each "yes" response to the cookie exchange invitation. You could explain, briefly, on the invite that, due to the time/energy/money expenditure involved in hosting a cookie exchange, you need to be SURE that people who say they will show up actually do. Deposit will be refunded at the end of the party - perhaps only if they bring the required amount of cookies? You couldn't really say anything about the quality of their cookies without looking like a tyrant, though.

I know some people will find the idea of requiring a cash deposit for a cookie exchange bad form. But, you've been on the receiving end of some unspeakably rude behavior. I don't see any other way you can protect yourself from another disappointing party.

The only other suggestion I have is to just have a finger-food party and skip the cookie exchange, since folks aren't following the rules anyway. Of course, they STILL might accept your invitation and not show up.

Let us know what you decide, okay?

[Nancy L]

No offense to previous poster, but if I was invited to a cookie exchange and someone asked me for a cash deposit, I would be absolutely flabbergasted and absolutely would not attend. I don't think there is anything wrong with spelling out the rules of the exchange and making it very clear what is expected in fairness to all. If anything, I would take a year or two off and see if people ask you about why you aren't having the exchange and then you will know who is serious about wanting to be a part of it. Good luck to you!

[zazzu]

Yeah, I knew that some folks would get miffed at the idea of a deposit or cover charge for a cookie exchange. I didn't mean to upset anybody, I just don't want Jennifer to get hurt again.

My last church charged $7.00 a person for the holiday cookie exchange. Some people got huffy about it, but the coordinator had to do it because (the first two years) people were either not showing up or, worse, showing up without cookies but ready to TAKE cookies!

This way, the CE coordinator no longer gets stiffed for all the time, money and energy she puts into the party.

My current church? A cookie exchange was voted down unanimously. No one here bakes. Seriously.

Okay, I've rambled enough, but one last thing...If the party is more about the people than the cookies, then maybe a cookie exchange isn't absolutely necessary (in Jennifer's case)?

[hopeshaw]

Jennifer, if you are anything like me you love the holiday season.I would tell you to try again this year. You may have to get a different group of people. Or try the old, you know things maybe different in their lives then in the past, times seem harder theese days and a good cookie exchange maybe just what they need, I hate to say it but I know my family is having a hard time with husband losing his job, finding another one (finelly) but taking about a $10 hour cut on what he use to make... anyway what I'm tring to get to is that I plan on hosting a great CE, and a few other things, I'm not going to let the hard times stop me from enjoying the greatest time of year. This will bring joy and happiness to those who need it. So get to planning, use all of these great tips to have a great party, even if a few show up, make it special, cause they are probly the ones looking for that extra boost to get them throught the holiday season...

[maryemc]

Hi all --

This really doesn't answer Jennifer's question -- however, I am thinking of hosting my first exchange -- I've already ordered 'save the date' magnets and am getting ready to mail them. I married into a large family (only child myself w/no other females) so I was thinking of having my first exchange be family only -- there are 17 women -- 18 including myself.

My dilemma -- I'm a planner and my "family" are last minute planners. For a baby shower I planned for the only other "planner" in the family (married into it like myself), I had to harrass folks after several attempts had been made to find out if they were/were not attending since they weren't courteous enough to let me know in the time-line provided. I know me -- I would be totally PO'd and hurt if folks RSVP'd yes and then showed up w/o cookies and some lame excuse -- ran out of time, burnt them up or whatever. Then you have the other -- tell you no, but show up anyway.

I am not able to host both family/friends to the same event since my home would not be adequate for the amount of people so I'm wondering if I should just have it for the friends and forget about the family??

Any thoughts? My apologies for rambling or if I have offended anyone.

[Susan in PA]

Mary, in the situation you described, I think I would stick to inviting friends. There's nothing that says you are obligated to invite family. A cookie exchange is a lot of work to plan (but oh, so worth it! ), and you don't want to have your efforts me with little or no interest. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Question for you ... where did you find the "save the date" magnets?

[maryemc]

Hi Susan
Thanks for your advice -- being in a "large" family has pros and cons -- I love them to death but sometimes ...

I ordered the magnets (paid s/h) from Vistaprint.com -- small business card size. I was not able to copy/paste the picture but if you go w/basic fonts w/no special colors or bolding, there is no additional fee. I picked the snowman since I'm partial to them -- I think it's very cute and will work well for the holidays.

[susanpa]

Wow! :)Thanks so much for the info! I went online last night to vistaprint and created my own "save the date" magnets. I can't wait to send them out!

Not sure when to do that though ... should I wait until October?

[maryemc]

I purchased them in July!! I know in an earlier post, Robin had indicated that I should send the "save the date" out in September -- my dilemma of family vs friends.

[susanpa]

I just checked my order status at vistaprint, and it said the estimated date of delivery for the magnets was September 30, so I guess I'll shoot for October 1 !

[maryemc]

Me again folks ... I thought it over ... and over but I decided and sent my 'save the date' magnets out to the family and from what I'm hearing there is excitement all around. I am very excited about it myself and am hoping a good time will be had by all.

[Michele Favaro]

I think you need to consider WHO you are inviting. I invite a small number of close friends and family. I usually have about 10-12 guests. It is the perfect size. Each person bakes 6 cookies per guest and they are wrapped and ready to go home. (We do not do a platter type exchange). I have a few friends who do not bake much but they still put in the effort for my exchange. It is more about how much I mean to them, then their love of baking. If that makes sense.

I would never charge a cover but can see why a Church would. That is a very different situation. The Church is a non-profit organization. This is my home and therefore I will not do that.
I also do not rent a space. Again, this is a small private gathering. It is a time for us to just have a few hours with no-children, to hang out with friends.

Have a MUCH smaller party. Invite only close friends/family. Explain to each of them the importance of coming or RSVPing properly. I bet you will have a great time and truly enjoy the experience.
Don't give up on your exchange, just change the invitation list.